Tears flow down my eyes tonight as incessantly as the time that has passed by. I just realized how much damage you’ve caused my life. Don’t get me wrong though. I have moved on. I have learned to let go of my feelings for you. And I have accepted the fact that I can never be the person you would want to spend the rest of your life with.
And I should be thankful for that because I know that I deserve someone better. Someone who you will never be in my life not because you are unworthy, but because you deemed I was not worth it.
Unfortunately, that is the problem now. That is how I feel. I feel unworthy. I feel undeserving of anyone’s affection. I feel insignificant. Thanks to you.
Every time I would feel something special towards someone, I would have to stop myself because I fear that I would not be worth it. I am scared that once again, all my feelings will be put into vain because I am not someone else. Because I am me.
But don’t feel bad now. For we are way too late for that. Feeling guilt, if it would come now, has long been overdue. I am writing this merely to speak to myself and not to seek for neither your pity nor attention. You may have caused me pain, made me cry, and broke my heart without you knowing it. But I am still here—intact and alive. I may not feel worthy, deserving, and significant right now, but that does not mean I am not any of those things to the people who see me differently.
And one day, I shall feel the same way about myself—worthy, deserving, significant. I shall not be afraid to hear those things from other people. I shall see myself apart from the person you saw in me. And I shall be happier. Because I have remained myself, only better.
“My turn to be honest… I feel like you’re the best for me.. I just..can’t let anyone in..right now. All they’d find is darkness…a void.” (22:19 // 260310)